I have a snoring problem, or rather I don’t have the problem, my wife has my snoring problem. I’m told that my snores can be heard all over the house – and beyond. Apparently nobody can get to sleep for my snoring. I’m keeping everyone awake. There is now a real move to get me to sleep somewhere else. How is that possible?  I can’t afford to go to a hotel. I’m certainly not going to sleep in the garden shed.

Now a smart person would see this, not as a problem but an opportunity. So what opportunity does my snoring afford me? Perhaps the positive side of my snoring is that it keeps people awake. This is only a problem at night when people need to sleep but it could be a strength when people need to stay awake. What about all those offices where people are bored out of their minds doing repetitive jobs that send them to sleep? I could be brought In to sleep in the corner and nobody would fall asleep. For a fee of £200 per day I would increase productivity for the company and the people at home could sleep all night.

That’s quite a good idea for a smart person but a world class genius like me should be able to go one better. Why should I do all the sleeping and snoring myself? There are lots of homeless people out there without a safe place to sleep. I could hire them to sleep for me in offices all over the country. They would get £100 per night and I’d get the other £100. Not only would I have increased productivity all over the country but I’d have eliminated much of the rough sleeping in our city centres.

At this rate I will be able to afford to sleep in a hotel after all.